Monthly Archives: February 2015

What’s up?

It’s February – 2015…what’s up world?
Life has been crazy here at the WildBerry Patch.
January was spent at a wonderful Residential Program called LaAmistad.
I have spent January there for the residential program, and I have spent February, until next Monday, in the Partial Hospitalization Program.

Mental Health – Web MD gives a huge overview.

What is my problem?
I’m human.
But mostly, because of how I grew up – traumas in my life – and genetic make up from my parents – I have mental illness. actually – illnesses.

I would love to be so vulnerable and transparent as to list all of the illness I have – but, one is a biggie – and is something that many of our returning Veterans have as well for different reasons – PTSD.

What is PTSD?
Again – Web MD comes to the rescue with the definition of PTSD.

PTSD is classified as:

Acute stress disorder: symptoms occurring within four weeks of the trauma.
Acute PTSD: symptoms lasting three months or less.
Delayed onset PTSD: symptoms appear six months after the trauma.
Chronic PTSD: symptoms lasting more than three months.

Why don’t you just ‘choose joy’ Christi?
Why not just forgive and forget, Christi?

Repeated trauma changes the brain chemistry – and little road maps are created in the brain – and it becomes trained to react to things that remind you of the initial trauma. These are called triggers. Someone with PTSD did not choose to have to react to triggers – but they do.

Wounded Warriors do.
Rape Victims do.
Domestic Violence victims do.
I do.

Yes, there are many verse in the Bible that are comforting to the abused.

Isaiah 40:31 – They that wait in the Lord shall renew their strength,
they shall mount up with wings like eagles,
hey shall run and not be weary,
they shall walk and not faint.

Psalm 23 is very good:

verse 4
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me

And, God promises to be with us:

Ps 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

And yet – we struggle. But the Christian has another source:

http://youtu.be/L5bLvVjJ4MA

So – through my storms this last three months, I’ve been learning to praise IN the storms. If you, or anyone you know, is having trouble with depression, dark thoughts, dangerous thoughts – seek help.
Suicide LifeLine Online

or call:
1-800-273-TALK(8255)

And know this – Jesus will be with you in this storm – and, if you need me to – send me an email – and we’ll talk.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

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Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Naomi’s Heart Mission

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Not a spoonful of sugar, just a dash of color!

One of the things that I did while I was in a residential program was to teach an expressive art class.

Here are some of the examples I used:\

simple painting class

Shhhhh, I’m not sure they were supposed to allow a client/patient to do one of the activities – but, I wanted to, and my life is changed by it!

Here is what I did with the leftover canvases:

painting class leftovers

Here is everything I did, as my own quiet time activity while at the residential program (minus 2 that I gave away as gifts):

painting meditations

I also did a pen and ink of an orchid type flower while sitting in the front lobby – (I hope I can get the person I gave that one to to send me a copy of it).

And, the other day, while at the conference – I was sitting in the dark quiet room, and my artist was drawing a covered bridge…she gave it away, but the friend says it was absolutely gorgeous. I may get her to scan that one as well.

The point of this?

Ever since the first painting that someone asked me to do for them so that they could look at it and just take a break, I have wanted my paintings to be a source of peace and joy.

(find the photo of Susan with her painting)\

When I painted this painting – my friend Mitzi kept saying she could walk into that back area and just sit down with a book. That back area is now called Mitzi’s garden!

Being able to find a place to go to meditate on the things of God to fill your heart with joy is not easy.

But what if you could paint your own hiding place – where you could imagine yourself sitting down and listening to your music, your Bible, your God speak to you?

Maybe I can create a program just like this and bring it around to various churches and organizations that help wounded women…what do you think?

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Naomi’s Heart Mission

Sponsor a Child

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

January 2015 – Where did you go?

For all that have chosen to befriend me, and watch me for various reasons(of which we will not ask here), January was very obviously missing from my internet charades or escapades. I have many things to write about – and this year, 2015, I will be writing, and painting, and I hope that I will be speaking – but that will come.

Oh what a difference a month makes! And, what a prophetic post about Simplify!

I learned a lot last month, but had no consistent ability to write this blog. I spent January at a residential program for behavioral health – mental illness.

And, the draft – on Dec 21 that says ‘The End’…

The point is that on Dec 21, I wrote the draft that I am going to post right now – and on Dec 25th, I did attempt to take my life. It would appear that Dec 21, I was writing a suicide letter – despairing of my ever being able to be good enough to live.

The End
This post is password protected with TheEnd – so that only those that are reading THIS post will know how to get to the other.

I have an illness, a mental illness with several other issues surrounding it that cause me to have things happen that I am not aware of.

Jim’s comment to a friend was that I told him I didn’t remember taking the pills – and, I don’t. Until I talked to that friend, I didn’t know that I didn’t remember it at THAT time…that it wasn’t an amnesia occurring from the overdose.

Of course I am ultimately responsible, in a way that someone with cancer would not be – but, DID/MPD is very complicated, and I am not always myself. Major depressive disorder can spiral because of chemistry in the body – and then trigger the DID/MPD. AND – PTSD, from the abuse that caused the DID/MPD can trigger all of it – and that’s if no one human decides to be part of my life!

I have hope for the future – and even a hope that there will be a future as long as the Lord allows it. I don’t know what the people in my life will do with me, I know what my 2 bffs will say – and I know that my God is all about forgiveness – and as one bff says – GRACE.

Pray for Jim – he is exhausted from taking care of me.
Pray for my family – they don’t know what to think of me.
Pray for my friends – they don’t know what to do with me.
Pray for me – that we will learn enough about this disorder, and my additional mental illnesses, while I am in remission and can change behaviors and be prepared the next time this disease tried to take my life.

BTW – to be a bit sacreligious – God is a multiple! Father, Son, Holy Spirit all in One! if no one else gets me – HE DOES!!!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest