I am thinking that since there are several issues that are very large in my life – as in, suicide, depression, and things like that – I should create some PSA’s and make them pages and put them at the top of my web page –
links for suicide, mental health, cancer of various sorts, and maybe even links to friends healthy eating sites!
If there is anything that you can think of that would make sense for me to write up – and post – let me know…input input, more input!
~Christi
While I’m documenting this to see if I am convinced with the efficacy of Plexus products, I am also continuing to utilize some other products and techniques to regain my health. Regain – I cannot remember a time when I was ‘healthy’.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
fbg 121
temp 96.8
rhr 76
yesterday, I walked .85 mile…and my knee started giving out.
By the evening…the right leg was giving out.
This would have nothing to do with my supplementation…but it does have to do with my continued walking.
I also need to report that I am drinking Alkaviva ionized and alkaline water. This water has shown an amazing ability to keep my lymph glands from swelling – me from retaining water – and thereby eliminating the pain that goes with those symptoms.
CRAVINGS DISAPPEARING?
One of the things that folks say about Plexus Slim is that it helps them with cravings.
I just went to Bob Evans, and chose a salad because it looked good – instead of the ‘healthy’ breakfast with multigrain cranberry hotcakes.
As I was looking at the healthy breakfast with the hotcakes – I just felt inside that I did not want the hotcakes…I don’t want the effect that grain has on my system.
THIS IS NEW!
In addition – because of my decision on the hotcakes, I had to make a choice of salads. Often, if I am TRYING to limit grains, I choose the spinach salad, because there is no offering of special bread.
Today, I chose the Cranberry Pecan Salad, without the blue cheese(limiting dairy…oh how I love dairy), and before I even got to the bread, I asked my friend Beth about bread to take home for her husband, and we settled on bread for another friend’s husband’s lunch. Done. no bread! no cheese.
What is new? I’ve done this before on a Whole30 protocol, and on a sugar cleanse protocol. So, those who have watched me go through this health thing might wonder…so what…she’s done this before.
What’s new? the lack of struggle!!!!
And, I didn’t even want the bread!
Or those hotcakes!
If this is from the Plexus Slim – if the ingredients in this simple drink are helping me to not want things that are not good for my body…I’ll take it. My liver will thank me. My kidneys will thank me. My lungs and throat will thank me. Eventually, maybe I will thank me.
No real exercise today…rain…spotty rain…so, I can’t go to the pool…and my knee is not interested in going for a walk.
I pray that this will help!
In His hands and Under His wings,
~Christi
Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
If you are interested in more info,
Christine Wildman, Plexus Website
For information on the water I live by:
AlkaViva
or…
For whose joy am I responsible?
I have spent my life trying to make
my husband happy,
my children happy,
my mother, father and brother happy,
friends happy,
my church happy,
and even my GOD happy.
I just realized this:
I have believed it’s wrong to allow myself joy when those around me are not, that I have not provided joy in the lives of those closest to me.
this is what a therapist labeled STINKIN’ THINKIN’!
I am only responsible for MY OWN JOY!
If that which brings ME JOY, also brings others joy, then that is the joy that is within me, spilling out upon others.
By embracing the things that bring me joy, I will have more joy to share with others.
But, I am not responsible for them picking up the joy – taking in the joy…THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN LIVES!
I wrote this in 2003:
Oil of Joy
I have posted multiple posts on depression, suicide, and struggling with such things.
I have admitted that the opposite of Joy has been a Giant in my Land.
All of this, plus years of therapy, and I couldn’t enjoy JOY. I couldn’t hold onto Joy.
But right now – I am realizing that I KNOW how to live in Joy – I haven’t given myself permission, because I have been focusing on giving joy, creating joy in others.
It’s time for a definition.
My definition!
Joy is not dependent upon the things going on around me. It depends upon the Joy that is within me –
And in John 16:22 – Jesus said that No man could take it from me….
My JOY is dependent upon MY Faith, and My time with Jesus Christ.
Happiness is about happenings – and it comes and goes.
There are times of sorrow – grieving….
Eccl 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Eccl 3: 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
But this is not JOY. That is dependent upon the happenings around you.
Faith Gateway posted Bible Verses about Joy: 25 scriptures
I believe that JOY is about my heart beating in time with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
I didn’t think I deserved to have joy – when I had not given joy to those I love. The problem with this thought is that if I don’t have any joy, how to do give joy to others? If I am not allowed to enjoy the things that bring JOY – what does that say to others?
And the truth is – Jesus gives me joy – and wants my joy to be full!
John 15:11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.
John 16:24 Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.
These words are in red in the Bible – because these are the quoted words of Jesus Christ.
Jesus came so that I would have Joy.
To refuse Joy, in a way, is to refuse the gift that Jesus gave me.
To not enjoy Joy, in a way, is to not enjoy Christ in me.
To not receive Joy from Jesus, is like someone offering me a gift of great price, and I refuse it – putting a disparaging ungrateful response in the face of such a gift.
Jesus meant for me to have Joy.
Jesus meant for me to GROW in Joy(The fruit of the spirit is Love, Joy….)
So I have the RIGHT to have Joy, to be Joyful, to embrace JOY!
And I am not responsible for the Joy of others!
I am responsible for ME, Myself and I.
And by God’s grace – I have been given the tools for JOY!
Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
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Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.
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The story of Joseph takes up a rather large part of Geneses.
If you include the whole story about how his father ended up with the wrong wife…and had to work for 7 more years to get to marry Rachel, Joseph’s story is HUGE!
Sister Wives – the original series! Rachel and Leah used their children to win favors with Israel/Jacob. Trading mandrakes from one’s son to win time in Israel’s tent just seems wrong.
Israel loved Rachel more than Leah, and loved Joseph more than the other sons. To prove it, he set Joseph up with a very colorful coat. One that could be seen a long way off! Distance that enabled a bun ch of jealous boys to plan a way to rid themselves from this favoritism!
Everyone assumes that Joseph shared his dreams in an arrogant fashion. I don’t read it that way in the Bible. I think that is an added, personal projection by the reader upon Joseph’s actions.
“what do these dreams mean?”
Apparently, his brothers and his father KNEW what those dreams meant…and they reprimanded him FOR HAVING THOSE DREAMS! The poor boy, he’s lost his mom, he’s got funky dreams going on, and no one to share them.
With all that going on, and actually listening to your brothers discuss whether they are going to kill you or sell you, I’m thinking that those dreams didn’t seem very real right then.
Did Joseph lose hope? He was raised up in Potipher’s house, in the Jail, and eventually in Pharoah’s house. The dreams indicated that his family would be bowing down…and his family is no where to be around.
I have dreams and visions that I believe that God has given me. When they haven’t come to pass as I think they should, I start to second guess myself…”did I hear that right? ” “did I make that up?” “did I just want something bigger to happen?”
And, then, “who do I think I am that God could use me?”
Joseph went to jail – falsely accused. Everything, except this woman’s lies, acknowledged that Joseph was an outstanding slave. This powerful person’s lies ‘destroys’ Joseph’s life.
I’ve been falsely accused by people that know the truth. The lies are so interwoven into the fabric of our lives that without God’s divine intervention, there is no way to clean up the mess. The lies can, and probably will effect some effectiveness of God’s ability to use me. Then again, God put Joseph in the prison for a time, and in order to get him set up for the real placement – at Pharoah’s right hand.
The last two years of foot and ankle and elbow surgeries have left me feeling like I’ve been in jail. I have not handled myself like Joseph – and I have not been put in charge of my ‘prison’, but that will end today. Is 58 talks about a fast that God can get behind…and part of the reason for that fast is to set the captives free.
Many people that were in concentration camps, death camps, held captive for one reason or another have said that the victory came when they realized that no one can jail their spirits! I have allowed the physical ailments to jail my spirit – to hold me back – to hold me down. I am allowing these things to keep me in a box, and I am not someone that fits into a preconceived box!
When Joseph settled in to his new life, married, two kids, then God brought about the fulfillment of the dreams. Then his brothers came and bowed down before him – like bundles of grain bowing to the one that would prevent their starvation.
I don’t know what will come about with the dreams and visions that I have had, but I know that I have to keep my eyes on the prize.
Ultimately, God used Joseph, and a famine, to bring the Israelites into the land of Goshen…setting them up for a prison of slavery…so that HE could set them free in a mighty way.
I can’t see
what God is doing with me.
I can only choose to be
everything God created in me
flowing, growing and yeildedly free.
Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear. If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
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the other day I was depressed. I guess that sounds like a common theme. But the fact is I have a chronic depression disorder.
I spent a good part of the day trying to get rid of the depression cloud. It just didn’t seem to go away. I didn’t feel like praying, my mind couldn’t concentrate on reading Scripture even if I wanted to. And I was really doubting myself as a Christian.
I don’t remember how it happened, but a song came on somewhere. It was a worship song. And it seems like the depression cloud just blew away.
Saul
In 1Samuel, Saul was chosen because he was head and shoulders above the rest. He was chosen, and he tried to walk with the Lord.
1 Sam 16:23 And it came to pass, when the [evil] spirit from God was upon Saul, that David took an harp, and played with his hand: so Saul was refreshed, and was well, and the evil spirit departed from him.
sad
when Saul lost his way and wasn’t following the Lord,and when Saul lost the kingdom, and when Saul saw that David was blessed above his own victories, he opened the door to evil spirits.
song
David took a harp, and played so Saul was refreshed, and the evil spirits departed from him.
smile
for a temporary period of time, Saul was delivered from depression.
When Saul was sad David played a song and Saul would smile. When I am sad I have songs to listen to that make me smile and worship God.
The scary part is, why am I getting sad? I have written about this before, but it boils down to where is my heart. If I dwell in the presence of the Lord there is fullness of joy. If I don’t have joy, where have I been dwelling? we know from the Bible that Saul’s heart was turning away from God. I really don’t want that to be about me. There is nothing more important than spending time in God’s presence every day. For me, a lack of joy is a clear indication that I have not spent time in God’s presence.
Saul-sad-song-smile!
The Lord gave me this simple alliteration, and while it does point me to worship to get rid of depression, it scares me that I might be turning out like Saul.
What about you? Where is your joy? If you are a child of God, follower of Jesus Christ, then your joy is in the presence of the Lord God.
Ps 122:1 [[A Song of degrees of David.]] I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the LORD.
may the joy of the Lord be your strength today and for ever, amen.
Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
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Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!
If you have come to this page because you are contemplating suicide, please dial 988 or 1-800-273-TALK or visit the National Suicide Prevention LifeLine. Some other Suicide Hotlines are on this page.
I have loved this song for years…but now, as I am a recovering suicidal depressant – it gives me chills.
While finding this song on YouTube…I read a comment by a listener..”I’m going to play this when I commit suicide”.
Another suggested the ‘marilyn manson’ version….VERY CREEPY!!!
This song was played over and over and over while I was growing up.
I grew up with a bi-polar mother that attempted suicide on a regular basis.
My favorite uncle committed suicide when I was in the second grade…and the priest and my mom talked about he gave up, and took the one way ticket to heaven.
Another Great Aunt and Uncle committed murder-suicide because he didn’t want to watch her slowly die with cancer.
One month after my wedding, my mother finally succeeded in her desire to let go – and my aunt told me “she gave you a gift…and she knew you were safe now”.
What am I saying? I grew up surrounded with a level of comfort with suicide.
So, when I got married, things weren’t fairy tale perfect, and depression hit with five children under 6…chronic pain…and I couldn’t see any way out…I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.
When all I could see was how I was messing up everyone’s lives because of my PTSD, FMS, CFS, and multiple bone, joint, tendon and soft tissue issues (7 surgeries in 7 years)…I wanted to give my family a gift…and remove this burden(ME) from their lives.
Why didn’t I succeed? There are many thoughts about that…one is that except for 2 times, it was never really a suicide attempt…it was take 4 pain pills instead of 1, but I wanted to be dead. No, really, most of the time, I wanted to go to sleep, and wake up without the problems. I had suicidal tendencies, or ideations. So – should I have been left alone with my thoughts? Should my family have just called my bluff?
Well, what I feel led to share here is four types of suicidal thought…from my experience, in and out of hospitals and institutions and by talking with others with similar thought systems.
In my experience, there are at least four DIFFERENT types of suicidal thoughts:
In my mind – ALL FOUR ARE DEADLY AND NOT TO BE IGNORED.
but the individual appears to NEED different things.
1. LOOK AT ME!!!!
This one is when someone feels ignored, alone, and wants to get attention. To deny that this is the case is to deny what so clearly has happened with video and letters that say “You didn’t love me enough” or “no one will miss me”.
This person is CRYING OUT FOR HELP!!!
They need to be pointed to a suicide help line, such as 1-800-273-TALK(8255)
This state of mind will not commit suicide while someone is with them.
Ignoring this person will only increase the odds that they WILL keep trying…because ignoring them fulfills the wrong thinking in their head.
2. I’ll show you/them!!!
This mindset scares me. I was told one time “I’ll show them, I’ll call *** and say “you think I’m suicidal” as I drive off the ***bridge”. This person talked about calling different people WHILE he took his own life…to show them…and I’m not sure what he was planning on showing them…that they were right? He was sick? or that they were wrong, that he was in control? The point is…NO ONE WINS in this mentality. The ones that a person is trying to “show” doesn’t lose as much as the one whose life is now gone!
This person needs to realize that the only way to show that someone is wrong, is to prove it with your life. The best revenge for those that are trying to tear you down is to take off and soar, and just wave at them from the clouds while you are soaring with the eagles!
This person is CRYING OUT FOR CLARITY!!!
They need to be pointed to a suicide help line, such as 1-800-273-TALK(8255)
I have no idea if this person will commit suicide while someone is with them…but there is something twisted in their view of getting even. This is for show of some sort.
I have no idea how to respond to this type of suicidal person…but turning their revenge into a healthy self support has to take place.
3. I can’t take it anymore – total despair.
I wrote a poem – “Depression like Driving Rain” – as I was struggling with some depression.
Folks get sad.
Some folks get S.A.D. – Seasonal Affective Disorder.
But this is Despair….Despair is much more than just being sad.
Despair – noun – loss of hope – hopelessness. To lose hope, to give up, to be without hope.
Despondent – adj. – feeling or showing profound hopelessness, dejection, discouragement, or gloom.
There is no hope of release…”all hope is lost”. In this mindset…there is no view to the future…it’s like a dark wet blanket that one cannot find the way out of, and the weight just continues to pull you down.
This person is CRYING OUT FOR HOPE!!!
This person needs to know that there is a tomorrow…reminded of all the tomorrows that have come and gone and are now yesterdays…and that all the stuff that was despairing actually dissipated, and life began again. This person needs someone to lift the blanket…and be shown that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that they are not alone. This person needs a helping hand.
My Great aunt and uncle were these people…no hope in the face of cancer.
I have been this person, and having someone present to show that life will go on has turned me around.
This person will not commit suicide in the presence of someone else – because someone else present is the sign of hope that someone else will reach out and help.
This person could still benefit from calling or reading one of the help lines listed in this blog.
This person could benefit from just talking to a caring human being.
4. I have no worth – I’m a burden to society
This has been me. I have felt like I have no purpose on this earth other than to visit doctors and to break promises to my friends because some other health issue has arisen to prevent me from keeping my promises. One day I could walk a 5k, and the next I would be in a wheelchair at a field trip. One day I could sew a quilt and the next I couldn’t even touch the pedal to run the machine. One day I could cook a nice meal, and the next day I can’t even stand up to get something out of the refrigerator. That meant/means that my husband and my children have had to do things for me, housecleaning, cooking, activities, push my wheelchair, walk my dog, help me with baths and showers, tie my shoes, disappointed at broken promises.
I have failed as a mom, wife, mom and woman…and I can’t get SSI because of not being able to work so I have no Social Security benefits to help me with disability. Often I can’t even drive myself to the doctors office. My husband had to work from home for years so that he could be available to help me. We have lost money, houses and land to pay for the medical bills that have accrued to keep me alive, which irritates our children for lack of an inheritance. My husband has asked very few things from me as a wife…and because of disabilities, I can’t give him any of them with any consistency.
Of course, I’ve heard the complaints about taking care of me, or me not taking care of them, of my husband doing the wife’s work, and ‘wasting’ my husband’s money. I’ve had complaints that my issues make things too hard for others. I’ve been asked to leave a church because the lack of healing was causing people’s faith to fail. I am a burden to society.
Burden – that which is borne with difficulty.
My mother committed suicide because she knew that I would spend part of my married life trying to keep her alive. She didn’t follow her typical routine…this time, she was serious. This time, she wanted no mistakes. And as I said above…my aunt said to me “Your mother gave you a gift”. My mother did not want to be a burden on me in my marriage.
I did not want to be a burden in my children’s lives or in my husband’s life. I wanted to give them that gift…free them from the burden of this sick, mentally ill, physically depleted ball and chain.
I did call all the help lines…and some people…but no one had time to come to be with me.
I almost succeeded.
If it weren’t for the sheriff and the park ranger that drove past the car, and called the EMT’s – who somehow got this non responding, lifeless body to the ER, and then the ER docs that worked for several hours to bring me back…and the ICU nurses that watched over me…I would not be here.
I have memories of those that just didn’t care if I succeeded.
I have memories of those that accused me of doing it for attention.
I have memories of those I was trying to release being angry at me for doing this ‘to them’.
I have memories of thinking ‘ I better get it right next time, because this continued failure is causing the burden to grow!’
But what I didn’t have was the KNOW inside that NO ONE can determine my worth, other than me and my God.
A person that feels like they are a burden – and that the world is better off without them – and that they would lift all the bad things from their family if they were not there – this person needs LOVE.
This person is crying out for LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE.
This person cannot commit suicide in the presence of someone…because that would be adding to the burden in their life!
Responding to this person in anger only fans the fires of failure and incompetent burden.
This person needs unconditional love…no matter how broken they are.
This person needs to know that they have worth because they have life. You are not given worth by other people – you are born with it. The problem is, we let others take it away.
WHAT TURNED ME AROUND?
After 20 years of therapy…many thoughts…many counselors…somehow, somewhere something clicked.
I have always had a strong faith in Jesus Christ – but because of the church’s response to the suicides in my family, I wasn’t convinced that suicide ends up in a person going to hell. So, that didn’t do it.
One therapist shared a quote with me…and at this moment I cannot find it, but it made me aware that the very fact that I AM means that I have worth. She challenged my concept of the sanctity of life.
Do I consider life worth saving? Then why not mine?
Do I consider life worth living? then why not mine?
And – who do I believe gave life? God
How do I believe about the conception of a baby? God causes each conception, and every conception deserves life…therefore…why not me?
If God has not chosen to take my life, who am I to argue with Him? Job didn’t fare very well in his depressive, suicidal tirade, so why should I?
Psalm 23 has pulled me through…
yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for thou art with me…thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
It has been a path..a rocky, rough path that has brought me to almost no thoughts of suicide. And now, when I hear of a suicide, I am saddened that someone who had a life to live did not or could not ask for help, or find the right person to hold their hand until they came out of the dark valley.
WHAT CAN SOMEONE DO TO HELP?
BE THERE.
How many suicides occur in the midst of a family gathering? I don’t think that any of them do.
I know that some are just asking for attention…but when a 2 year old acts out to get attention, do you just ignore them until they burn themselves with the matches? Of course not. When child is acting out, it’s usually because they need to have different attention to help them through this phase…and that is the same with someone that is talking suicide. You don’t give up on the 2 year old…please don’t give up on someone that is having a mental disconnect that could take their life.
I actually gave up many possible methods, because of how frequently they fail…and the person is worse off afterwards. If I fail, I’ll have crippled hands, or if the fall doesn’t kill me, I could have to be in a wheelchair with worse pain than I do now, etc. Share with this person information on Lost All Hope about statistics of failure.
Suicidal thinking is not REALITY based thinking…it is CATASTROPHIC thinking…and having someone with you, that is not reacting to the events with such a catastrophic outlook is a calming effect by itself.
PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SOMEONE THAT IS TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE!
PLEASE DO NOT CALL SOMEONE’S BLUFF.
PLEASE DO GET SOME HELP FROM SOME OF THESE WEBSITES TO HELP YOURSELF HELP SOMEONE YOU LOVE.
PsychCentral has some great help for those wanting to help, and those considering suicide.
Lost All Hope is an interesting point of view from another suicidal recoverer.
NAMI – National Alliance on Mental Illness has a page on how to help and how to recognize the signs.
I have not written this from a Christian, Biblical point of view…but I will be adding that feature here soon. The point is, all cultures have some level of sanctity of life…your life is sacred…it is a gift…and you are a gift. You have worth, because YOU ARE. To stop being means that you have wiped out the worth you were born with. Don’t let ‘THEM’ win.
~~~~~~~
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links:
Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
M. Christine Wildman
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
As we take our two week vacation, I continue to learn walking lessons, but I am not able to put the time into really studying out the scriptures for them.
I have several more steps – forgiveness, patience, dealing with irritations, and others. I will share these as I am able…
In His hands, and under His wings,
~Christi
WildBerry Workout is going to be on pause for a few days as we move out of our apartment…
therefore, my workouts will mostly be moving, lifting, lowering, and such.
I’ll probably try to get in a few ditch dippers with Gabriel as well…
It’s called the Soldier’s Psalm. You can print it out at Lamppost Publishing. It is said that it was prayed by the 91st Brigade and they suffered no casualties.
I want to believe that this is psalm is a promise that is absolute.
~~~Especially this part~~~
Ps 91:3 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
5 You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
~~~~and this part~~~~
Ps 91:11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
12On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.
Yes there are the qualifiers:
vs 1 dwells in the shelter of the Most High
vs 2 says to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
vs 9 has made the Lord your dwelling place—
vs 9 has made the Most High, your refuge
vs 14 holds fast to God in love
vs 15 knows MY(God’s) name.
I suppose that if I walked perfectly, without sin, then nothing would happen to me, to hurt me…right? We always have the promises in Deuteronomy 28. Even that comes with qualifiers:
Deut 28:1 And it shall come to pass, if
a. thou shalt hearken diligently unto the voice of the LORD thy God,
b. to observe [and]
c. to do all his commandments which I command thee this day, that the LORD thy God will set thee on high above all nations of the earth:
Are we really supposed to be protected from all the evil that is in the world? If everything went right for Christians, we’d have no problem evangelizing, or would we? When the Jews, who followed God’s cleansing laws, didn’t get the diseases around them, they were attacked for calling on their God to attack those that got sick! When a family has raised children that are obedient, respectful, God-fearing and God serving, others don’t say “Hey, how did you do that…I want my kids to be just like yours!” Others say – you are too strict, you are too narrow minded…you are stunting your children’s growth, all the time their children are running amuck.
My children are not the perfect God-fearing, missionary, ministry focused youth, so, I can say the above. They had a problem. They had a handicap. They had Jim and I for parents. And, we are imperfect. We have a fallen nature. We made mistakes – probably more than even those we’d rather not broadcast! So, we had injuries. We had sickness. We had financial issues. We didn’t qualify for Deut 28. We tried to abide under the shadow of the almighty, and dwell in the secret place…but we kept steppin’ out of the covering! Because we ARE human!
The Bible is not black and white. WHAT???!!!??? Is this CHRISTI writing???!!!???
While there are these promises for protection, there ARE qualifications – cause and effect – consequences – and, um, freedom of choice – free will – which can turn into self will!
Jesus was perfect…and those last few days were pretty painful to Him. It was because of our sin.
Is 53:5 But he [was] wounded for our transgressions, [he was] bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace [was] upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
Have you stopped transgressing? I haven’t.
Have you overcome all your iniquities? I haven’t.
Therefore, the chastisement of our peace was laid upon him, and he gave us peace.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
And by his STRIPES we are healed.
1 Peter 2:24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.
WHOA! THERE’S MORE QUALIFIERS! Or is it the responsible reaction of gratitude?
God KNEW we would still have trouble with our sinful nature…and gave us even MORE help!
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 2:1-2 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for [the sins of] the whole world.
Why am I contemplating this today? There have been several incidents lately that have made me dig deeper into my understanding of God’s handling of my affairs.
Today, I learned that my middle son almost lost his finger in a log splitting accident.
Steve's finger, after log splitting accident
I know he isn’t walking ‘perfectly’ with the Lord – just by what I know! But, even though his finger was not protected, and the bone was cut in two – God DID protect him, and in his drugged state, he called and told my husband these ways, giving God the praise:
Stephen was praising God for all these ways that God protected him…and we join him in that praise and thanks!
All of the mighty men and women of the Bible had ‘bad’ things happen to them in their lives. How do I hold both the evidence of a fallen world(we don’t live in the Garden of Eden) with the promises of protection and provision?
I Believe:
- God is Who He says He is.
- God can do what He says He can do.
- I am who God says I am
- I can do what He says I can do(all things through Christ!)
- God’s word is active and alive in me.
from Beth Moore – Believing God.
I believe that God’s Word – the Bible as we know it – is, well:
2 Tim 3:16 All scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
Therefore, what seems to be a contradiction, is just a matter of digging deeper, to get understanding.
Dog owners – have you watched the shows Dog Whisperer or It’s Me or the Dog? To train a dog, you do not give them affection when they are doing the wrong thing. You praise them when they are doing the right thing, and give them blessings called treats! As humans we are just now learning this…maybe God knew it all along?
Parents – are you familiar with such training as Positive Parenting? Actually, I have only heard rave reviews. My training for child care at the YMCA utilized this type of training. When a child is misbehaving, you do not give them the attention they are trying to obtain. When the child is behaving you lay praise and adoration on thick! You choose discipline that leads the child to an ability to self control, and eventually, other character qualities. IBLP has a great training about Character Qualities. Another group, Character First has great resources as well.
What’s my point? We’re not here to be protected from physical harm. Noah lost everything in a flood! And he was the only righteous man found! Lot was protected from destruction. Jesus was beaten, and crucified – and He was PERFECT.
A child that ate candy all their life would have cavities. Is that God’s fault? It’s a consequence of the choices(for a child, the parent’s).
Lot’s family was delivered from the destruction, and because of their hearts, they then brought destruction upon themselves. It was THEIR choices!
I have health issues because of how I have NOT taken care of this temple…that’s NOT God’s fault, that’s cause and effect. I can, however, use these ‘negatives’ to change things, and then ask God’s favor, grace and mercy to help me ‘get it right’. After all, that’s God’s purpose – to have me run into His tower for protection, and dwell with Him!
The spirit of the man is what is important. The purpose for anything in our lives is to make us more like Jesus.
2 Tim 3:16 All scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
:17 That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.1 Peter 2:24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.
1 John 2:1-2 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:
To me, the promise of protection is a ‘carrot’ that reminds me to DWELL under the shadow of the Almighty!
To me, the promises of Deuteronomy 28 are ‘rewards’ for choosing to obey what God has shown me.
YES – when something bad happens, I do check out my relationship with God first! Then, if I need to repent – I do it. If I need to turn around, or ask forgiveness, or change something – I do it!
I KNOW that my heavenly Father loves me, and gives me ONLY good gifts. James 1:17
I KNOW that bad things happen because of my fallen nature. James 1:13-16
I KNOW that all things work together for my good….Romans 8:28(there’s a qualifier here!)
I KNOW that God has a plan for my life – Jeremiah 29:11
And that plan has been in effect since before I was born…Psalm 139:13-17, Jeremiah 1:5
I KNOW that bad things happen, because of the fallen nature of the world…Romans 8:22
I also know, by combining these scriptures and many others, that some perfect gifts come wrapped in bags of garbage. It I toss them out, and complain about the garbage, I will never get that diamond, ruby, sapphire that is hidden in the midst of the garbage. It’s just like those presents that people give with multiple boxes, filled with newspaper…only the gift at the end of this garbage bag is eternal…and growing closer to the Everlasting God!
God’s ways are so much higher than ours. The foolishness of man(what confuses man) is the wisdom of God.
Romans 8:1 [There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
Eph 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
Col 2:6 As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, [so] walk ye in him:
1 John 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
Does it make any sense that one person, totally void of any wrong doing, would take the death penalty for all the terrorists in the world? All the rapists? All the murderers? All the child abusers? All the kidnappers? No. It doesn’t make any sense to me.
Does it make any sense that the death of one man could provide the choice for anyone, whosoever chooses, to be washed of all their crimes, and to start life anew – nothing hanging over them? No. It doesn’t make any sense to me.
Does it make any sense that a person, to whom so much has been given, would go back to their crimes, and muck up the beautiful opportunities laid before them? No. It doesn’t make any sense to me.
Does it make sense that the Bible has promises for perfect protection, as a result of perfect obedience? Yes.
Does it make sense that a judge would give out leniency, mercy, and grace to criminals that break the laws of his jurisdiction? No. And yet, God blesses the just and the unjust every day.
Does it make sense that a loving Heavenly Father would make a way for His erring children to come back into fellowship – and receive the blessing of His presence through Jesus Christ, our ambassador? As a mother, this makes sense to me. As a citizen, I want the full application of the law! Put those ogres in prison!
So, I have conflicts with what many take for granted in God’s word…and yet, I can hold the conflict of protection, with the bad things that happen together in my heart as both true. Why? Because Christianity IS FAITH! I may not be able to see the sense in what God has done, but I am so grateful for the ‘foolishness’ of God that has washed me from my sins, that I am willing to receive all the ‘foolishness’ of God as just far above my wisdom. Jesus asked the questioning Pharisees – Is it easier to heal or to forgive sins? In truth, it is much easier to heal…because forgiveness comes very hard! So, the greatest mystery is that God sent His Son to die on my behalf…everything else is just, well, faith!
I have been guilty of asking “WHY ME?” or “WHY MY FAMILY?” at times…and, I have repented. The question should be “WHY NOT ME?” Why do you choose to look upon my family with grace and mercy, when we are not perfect? Why didn’t I leave 2 seconds earlier and be in that huge accident right behind me? Why didn’t my babies die at birth when things looked so bad? Why didn’t Jim lose his job, and we go for months on unemployment? Why didn’t I get cancer? Why not us? Because, HE LOVES US! And because HE loves us first, we love Him.
Here is a passage from Isaiah – to just remind us what Jesus did for us…and can we take the little difficulties(as Paul said) and choose to count them but joy?(2 Cor 4:16; 2 Cor 11:23; Phil 3)
| Isa 53:1 | Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed? |
| Isa 53:2 | For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, [there is] no beauty that we should desire him. |
| Isa 53:3 | He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were [our] faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. |
| Isa 53:4 | Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. |
| Isa 53:5 | But he [was] wounded for our transgressions, [he was] bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace [was] upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. |
| Isa 53:6 | All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. |
I have one last quote:
“If you wish to know God, you must know his Word.
If you wish to perceive His power, you must see how He works by his Word.
If you wish to know His purpose before it comes to pass, you can only discover it by His Word.”
…(C.H. Spurgeon)
I lied:
Sola Fide – by faith alone
Sola Gracia – only by God’s grace
Sola Scriptura – only by God’s word
Solus Christus – through Christ only
Soli Deo Gloria – only for the glory of God.
Bad things WILL happen. That’s NOT the point. The point IS – how will we respond? I want to always run to the tower of the Lord, and to dwell under the shadow of His wings – because it’s only through the Lord that I have help to make it through the bad things that happen.
Prov 18:10 The name of the LORD [is] a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.
In case you are interested, Mary Jane Holt, of the The Citizen researched the story, and the truth about the Soldier prayer...very nicely done.
Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I have been sick…and lazy.
Posts will return today…
and I will try to make up the lost ones!
