Tag Archives: CS Lewis

The First 100 days – day 62 – storms

I have failed to write this blog consistently…and this response is more personal…this is my life.

Life is happening here…but after reading about a friend’s  life…I am reminded of the story about the woman that met with Jesus about how heavy her burdens were.  He showed her the burdens of those around her, that she could not see – and everyone of those that she picked up were too big, too heavy for her.  Then she saw this small burden and asked who’s that was…she was told to pick it up, and she said “it’s so light? Whose is this?”  Yours, my child…

So, life is happening here…I have a disability that makes these difficulties challenging…but, I have a God that is greater than all these things…and I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.

I have to remember, like Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress…the lions are chained.
I haven’t been able to T-Tapp, because for some reason, my energy levels, my strength, my heart rate and my breathing have all continued down hill.  I haven’t even been able to take walks.
I will be taking my walker to Germany, and we are talking about some sort of braces for my ankles.
Apparently, my Fibromyalgia is in rare form, and I’ve had to add Mobix to aid the pain issues.

Other than that, this is all I have to get done:

  • planning the downsizing(Katy Christian Ministries is getting lots and lots of stuff),
  • preparing for the trip(April 18-May 18),
  • doing training for Gabe in prep for Germany(classes and trainers),
  • preparing for the move at the end of May(which has to be ready before I leave for Germany),
  • planning the June trip to Ohio(where I will meet a man that wants to confirm face to face what my father was – as in, validate the memories that have ‘destroyed’ my life), and that trip needs to be planned before I leave for Germany,
  • plan for Faith and Daniel’s visit here in July(because when I get back, I will be too busy moving and vacation to mess with tickets then), and
  • prepare for medical issues that have come up – in the mean time.

I haven’t blogged.
I haven’t kept up with the scripture memorization.
I’m not T-tapping much more than once a week, though sometimes I skin brush
I’m not walking much – energy issues
I’m not checking in here, or encouraging folks on the my initiated 50 challenge, or even doing the second 50 day challenge.
My blood work came back worse…even though I have eaten better, and exercised better during that 3 months. I KNOW that becoming fully diabetic is my fault.  God gave me 7 years…and I failed.
I need to find that money tree…oh right, my God shall provide all my needs….
I’m failing commitments all over.

Anxiety? A little.
Physically – things seem to have gone backwards.
Making progress? definitely…but not as fast, or as well as I’d like…see that noun?

I ‘need’ a foundation…and I have put much of my roots into certain physical things that make me feel at home.  God is shaking those roots…and reminding me that my roots need to be grounded somewhere even deeper…and I KNOW that I will get through this…

BUT – in the mean time…I feel like I am going through an earthquake, hurricane, and forest fire all at the same time.  Sometimes, daily. I need to remember Elijah…in the cave…God is not in all of this, I need to be still, and wait for HIS still small voice.

The problem – when I get still, and hear his still small voice…I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE!!!  I want to stay in HIS presence! LOL, I don’t want to go back to the storms!!!  But, they still keep raging…and I am learning that while there are times that I need to turn my back on the storms, and look into Jesus’ face…apparently, there are times that I need to face the storms…Sometimes, I need to face my enemies…knowing that HE has my back…and when it’s too dangerous, HE will command the storms to cease.

Still, I daily find myself to be human, weak, and struggling with my inabilities.  Technically, in the Biblical and Spiritual world, that means that I am learning that when I am weak, HE is strong.  Military Boot Camp was hard…but I learned my weaknesses, and the Navy showed me how to become strong.  This is like God’s boot camp for me…and I KNOW that I will come out stronger.  I KNOW that HE is with me.  I KNOW that THIS is to help me put off those fleshly rags, and put on the garments that HE purchased for me.

I also KNOW that I should be counting all these things gifts, and rejoicing in these trials, testings…because HE is making me into what HE has planned for me.  I KNOW that I will be better for these things.  But, I also KNOW that I am human. These things hurt, like Eustace’s shedding of the dragon skin – he couldn’t do it alone – Aslan had to use his claws to cut through the layers.  My God, My Christ, My Savior, My redeemer Jesus is answering my prayer to be more like HIM.  right now, HE is clawing through the layers of fleshly baggage…because I can’t do it alone.

Sometimes, my heart holds on to “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.”
Sometimes, I remember “I shall not die, but live to declare the glory of God.”
I’m trying to just stand – simply stand, and wait to see the deliverance of God.
Sometimes, I just acquiesce to the process…which implies some pride still.
I don’t know that I have totally yielded to this process….which probably means I’m not being still. Actually, re-reading that – duh…I haven’t’ yielded yet!

One thing I know – God knows that I am but dust, and still, He will never leave me nor forsake me.
Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling…and to present you faultless …FAULTLESS…before the presence of HIS glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God, be glory and majesty, dominion and power both now and ever. Amen.

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,

In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

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  1. 100 days of moving challenge – day 62
  2. 100 days challenge- blog – check
  3. 25 verses in 52 weeks – Ps 15:3-5(didn’t set up verse 4)
  4. 90 days Bible Reading – Isaiah – very behind.
  5. 50 days T-Tapp – ???

Have I lost my FREEDOM?

This is based on a conversation I was having online with some friends, based on how the first time we do something, we seem to be able to choose to say yes easier, and it’s harder once we slip.

One person asked, did we lose our freedom? Here’s my comments:

Theologically, we have not ‘lost’ our freedom, because Jesus said ‘it is finished’ when He completed the work on the cross.
Obviously we are not free from our flesh – because we are here, not in our resurrected bodies with Christ!

I am so thankful to be going through this with you all  because you all have a heart for the Lord based on the promises in His word.  YOU GET IT!

We can call gluttony what it is – sin. Put a knife to your throat rather than eat the King’s dainties.

Proverb 23 KJV/BLB

We can call procrastination what it is – laziness, go to the ant thou sluggard!
Proverb 6:6 KJV/BLB

We can encourage each other to get back up, brush yourself off, and start all over again (another ant theme).
High Hopes

I’ve read so many posts in the last few minutes, I don’t remember which one said ‘doing it on our own’ –
Ever notice how there is a gift of grace and mercy waiting when you first get angry at someone?  Well, for me it works this way.  I am given a choice – and it’s like I’m on a fence, and I could fall either way – one way into the fire of anger and hurt, and the other into the cushioned arms of the Lord.  But if I choose the Lord’s side, I don’t get to defend myself!  I don’t get to give them a piece of my mind!  It took years, yeeeaaarrrrrsssss, to get to that point in my walk, that before I sinned, I could see the choices.

This year, doing T-Tapp with ya’ll has made the choices more obvious for me.  Sit in the recliner(my ankle/foot/hip hurts) or get out the chair and the dvd and do something that might get something moving.
Or worse: sit on the recliner and watch stupid movies to distract my brain from the pain, rather than reading God’s word, listening to His music, and entering into His presence.  yeah, I’ve been a wimp…a wheelchair wimp – even when I haven’t been in the wheelchair!

The veil has been torn open.  We all see clearly what our sin/s is/are, and now we have a choice. Like the alcoholic has to choose, sometimes minute by minute…I choose life, not death; I choose health, not death; I choose breath, not death.

A dear friend wrote something on her FB status that goes like this:
“I’m living the next five minutes
like they were my last five minutes
’cause I know the next five minutes
may be all I have.
After the next five minutes
turn into the past five minutes
I’m taking the next five minutes
and starting all over again!”

What can you do with five minutes?

What excuse would you give for adultery?
What excuse would you give for stealing?
What excuse would you give for child abuse?
What excuse would you give for murder?

I have spent 20+ years making excuses for my health – and undermining God’s plan for my body.  I have been fighting God with my eating!!!

I have been fighting God with some of my personal issues.
I have been fighting God with my choices to not fall off the fence on His side.  While there is a scripture that says “if they’re not against me, they are for me” – there is another that says ” if they are not for me(or with me) they are against me.”

He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad. Matthew 12:30 KJV/BLB

One was because those that had heard, but weren’t of the ‘organized’ followers were baptizing…and Jesus didn’t have a problem with it.

The other is Jesus speaking about being part of HIS flock, and being of His Spirit and lists those that are not with God as his enemies.

I do not want to be any where near a place that I could be called an enemy of God.  I want to stay WAY WAY away from that line!
I also don’t want to be one of the foolish virgins…not prepared, not able to wait because they ran out of oil(juice, fuel, energy).

This year, T-Tapp and diet are taking on a whole new spiritual dimension for me.
AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!  YES YOU!!! (my dear T-Tapp Sisters)
Thank you –  for being with me, so that when I have fallen on the wrong side of the fence, ya’ll are there to remind me, 1John1:9 KJV/BLB – come on back up on the fence and try again.
We HAVE a high priest that is familiar with our weaknesses – AND He stands before the throne of God so that IF any of us sins, He is the propitiation of our sins.

God knew it all along – and from the supernatural prophetically fulfilled birth of the baby Godman, all the way to Calvary, and His resurrection – God had a plan.  And just like with the intricate detail in fulfilling every prophecy about Christ’s birth…he is fulfilling every intricate detail of our lives, as He had planned from before time began.  AND He has planned everything down to the tiniest detail, to fulfill the volume of the book!  Rom 8:28 is followed by some great verses!
God does not think we are failures.
God knows what HE has in store for us!
God has provided everything we need to be the glorious temples He intends, we just need to pray, believe, trust, and push past the flesh.

I just got a vision of Eustace, when he was a dragon, because of his greed(glutton is a lot like greed, right?).  He couldn’t cut the dragon flesh off, no matter how hard he tried.  But when he asked Aslan, Aslan slashed through the flesh, and helped him get it off.(Voyage of the Dawn Treader – read the book, I was disappointed in the movie – by Disney).

Anyway – I have a dragon suit of gluttony.  I have tried and tried to get it off of me.  I have tried to do it for Jim, for the kids, for Jesus, for me…and ‘I’ can’t do it.
I need to go humbly to the Lord, EVERY DAY if necessary, and ask Him to deliver me from this fleshly prison.

This is my focus for the next year.
I hope you will all be here with me on this journey.
I love you ladies so much!

~Christi

PS – 1/1/2011 –
In reading Genesis 12, I realized that God blessed Abram BEFORE Abram told Sarai to lie to the Pharoah, and started the whole deception, fleshly attempts for protection and procreation.  God blessed Abram, even though he messed up!

I spent a weekend in Narnia

My dog, Gabriel and I left Kay Tee, Tech Sass and headed towards a meeting place for the 2010 Workshop and Retreat at Camp Allen. As we left the bright lights of Whose Ton, things began to change.  We turned down FM362, and we felt as if we were entering another world.  It became so dark along our path that the only lights were the moon and our headlights.  As the darkness surrounded us, we were embraced with the scent of a pine woods.  The aroma permeated even our air conditioner, and  filled my heart with the joy and anticipation one feels for Christmas morning. We continued further up the road and further in to the piney wood, in hopes that we would find that place called Camp Allen.

We turned at the sign, and saw the lamp posts!  We had arrived.  We were given the keys to our room and a plan for the weekend.  The room was quaint, with a homespun, rustic feel.  A chair, a table, a bed and lamps.  Everything that was needful for a quiet weekend basking in the presence of the KING of KINGS.  We rested that night, before meeting other travelers on this journey.

The morning broke with crisp clear air that filled my lungs with wonder and excitement.  I walked about the grounds with my faithful companion, Gabriel my service dog. I felt as if he would speak to me at any moment.  The peacefulness of this place was palpable, and our hearts were content.      At the appointed time, I went to the main building to register for the events, and I met the Mrs. Beaver that was arranging all of this, Nan Rinella. I saw the professor, Mr. Stan Mattson, as he quietly endued his joyous presence, and calm assurance. I had the sense that he knew something special about what was going to happen.  While he looked “professorial”, his eyes contained something lovely that only those that have been to Narnia can see, and his laugh was warm, like a soft blanket on a cold and rainy day.

Then, the magic happened!  The meals with people of like mind, sharing their hearts and minds about Aslan/Christ, was food for the soul!  The speakers, such as High Kings Randy Alcorn, Louis Markos and Andrew Lazo shared their knowledge of Aslan in Narnia and Christ in our world. They gave me glimpses of heaven, and the great kindness of Christ as well as the benefit of reading  to remind me. A creative force of life stirred deep within me.

Frank Ball and  Lael reminded me that truth and creativity could co-exist. As she walked around, I could see the bodily pain, and yet it was as if she was transcended above it, like a star waiting to return to the sky. I was so sorry to have to leave before hearing her session on GodSight.
My time was cut short, but God had another place for me to be.  I spent a weekend in Narnia. Once you have been to Narnia, Narnia will always live in your heart. God willing, I will never miss a meeting of the Narnians here on earth.