Monthly Archives: August 2011

Guest Blogger – Trisch – What about Job?

My friend Trisch shared this today, in light of several of us having multiple crises in our lives. I asked if I could put it here…I want to keep this thought around forever! At least, while the internet exists! ~C

I used to wonder how Job did so well then spent 30+ chapters whining!

Almost 7 years ago, when Dallas nearly was killed in his bad accident (caused by a driver on cocaine and marijuana), I found out and understood Job better!

Worship is just what you’re saying, C(another person’s comment). Saying, “I might not understand, I might not like it or feel good, but I believe You are still on the Throne, and although it doesn’t make sense in my world, You have a greater plan and it will be beautiful in Your plan.”

We can’t make sense of things here, because we’re seeing them temporally and through finite eyes. We need His “eyes” to see the Eternal and the infinite. By worship we say I trust You in this.

Just Friday the Lord showed me how I had a small piece of my heart still hardened from one of my miscarriages that was almost 22 years ago. I felt “dead” emotionally. At the time I just thought it was due to the loss, the hormones, etc. It was right before Christmas, 1989, and of course, right before Jessica’s birthday (24th). It seemed that although I got over it and have even asked God’s forgiveness for my bitterness over the years, I reserved a little piece for me–walled it off. Deep down was the “how could God be good when we’ve given Him total control of our fertility and He keeps taking babies to Heaven?” (I’d lost 4 by that point…..little did I know….)

Friday morning I asked Him to show me, why. Why was there this little “dead spot” within me. He had already told me a year ago my struggles were with His Sovereignty, especially since the last miscarriage (almost 3 years ago) and the unexpected death of my mom.

Ladies, when I asked Him that question, I had just been worshiping Him. I have felt Him drawing me more and more into worship. Worship as the main part of my prayer time. Worship before petition, intercession, supplication. Praise and worship. I’m using Psalms, praying one Psalm a day and sometimes even half a one. Really slowing it down!

I read over the names of God in a little booklet I have–several for each day. To remind me of Who He *really* is.

I’ve been giving a lot of things up to Him, my mom being one of them, and I thought I had given all our losses of babies to Him, too. So when I asked Him that question, really wanting to know, really ready to give it all up to Him, that is what He showed me.

“Thou art good, and doest good; teach me Thy statutes.” Psalm 119:68

The night of Dallas’ accident, when I couldn’t go to sleep in the ICU waiting lounge, I read my Bible and this verse stood out.

That is what I told Him when He showed me my heart Friday morning. YOU are good. EVERYTHING You do is GOOD. Whether I understand it, see the reason for it, like it, whatever, I will speak Truth in my heart.

I can’t trust Him if I don’t speak the Truth about Who He is in my heart. That has really come out a
lot in the past week in my quiet time.

When I make the “faith declaration”, as our pastor calls it, it moves His heart. David made a lot of faith declarations when things weren’t exactly going great!

The feelings come later.

I’ve been making these declarations and feeling a bit freer each time, but Friday it was like I realized that *I* was the one holding the chains on! He had already unlocked them….I needed to speak the Truth to my heart that He is trustworthy, even in tragedy, even in losses upon losses…..then I see that I can walk out of this self-made prison and be FREE and ALIVE!

I can’t begin to explain the LIFE I feel in my heart since Friday!

I am not saying I’m perfected now and will never sin again and not trust Him! 😛 I know it is a constant process. Remember Otto Konig? How he thought he’d learned the lesson of the “pineapples” and then he realized that was first grade, and now he was in second grade?! I think that is how it is. We learn it, then another layer is peeled back. We confess, make a faith declaration of trust and worship, another layer peeled back.

I want to deal with the flesh, because I love Him. Not to get anything from Him other than the openness of relationship with Him.

I can’t make anyone else change, but I can worship Him and pray Scripture for them (that way I don’t pray my own will!).

I am realizing that I am to be lifting Him up, and HE does the drawing of all men. So the first place I need to lift Him up is in my own heart–to worship Him.

I am reminded that there is Eternity to live for–there are rewards and glories there that I can’t begin to fathom! I’ve recently gotten tiny, tiny glimpses of the glory that awaits me there–of course Jesus Himself is enough of a reason! But 14 children with Him….losing both my parents before I am even 50 years old…..the accidents, auto-immune disorders, Dad’s disease robbing me of his relationship for 4 years before he died….

“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Well, I’m rambling, but I thought it interesting that this came up in light of what He’s been showing
me in my own life lately!

~Trisch
Trisch writes a blog called “Never a Dull Moment”
~ I commented to this thread ~

I have found in my experience that every time I fall down and worship, I have the right response to a situation. I may be able to fake a right response sometimes. I have gotten to the point where I am able to say to Jim, when I am ‘out of sorts’ about something, “I need some alone time with Jesus on this one before I say something I might regret.”

“We enter into HIS presence with praise and thanksgiving – and in HIS presence we find the joy and the strength to deal with the world – which definitely IS NOT in His presence!”

Thank you, Trisch!
Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or ‘like’ me! Or follow me with the RSS feed.

Naomi's Heart Mission

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

100 Spiritual Walking Steps – #17 What if they TELL you, ‘You Can’t Walk’?

I almost titled this “Step 8 Part 2” because, this sort of comes on the heels of that work in my life.

Step # 8 What if you can’t walk?
At that time(oh so long ago), I was struggling with the what if’s.
Yesterday, I was faced with this conversation with my Dr.
“So, if I have the surgery, what is the downside?”
– if it fails, we will need to fuse your ankle
“So, if this progresses, what will happen?”
-if it collapses, we will need to fuse your ankle
“Fuse my ankle, just what does that mean?”
-you could walk, but you won’t have much mobility

I checked out this stuff online, as every 21st century patient does….and the explanation of Avascular Necrosis on Mercy MD’s site says:
” This is the range of up and down motion (called dorsiflexion and plantarflexion) of the ankle following the total ankle replacement after a fracture of the talus associated with AVN.”

So, I asked “would I ever be able to walk a 5k again?”
Dr. B looked very serious at me, and said, “I’d like to say yes, but the truth is, I just don’t know.”

The “standard of care” is to stay off the ankle/affected area to allow it to heal. In my heart of hearts, I don’t feel that is right for me.
I can use a boot to support my ankle…but the standard of care is non weight bearing – and I just don’t feel right about that for me.
So, I was willing to go through surgery…since the other surgeries on my other foot went so well.
“This is not the same.”

Avascular Necrosis – dead bone from lack of blood.
Osteopenia – not replacing bone
Christi’s prognosis – not a lot of hope to get bone replaced into the dead area, if I’m losing it in the live area! So, why am I so gung ho on traumatizing the good bone to hopefully regenerate the dead bone?

History lesson on MCW –
In 1978, while on convalescent leave from the Navy, a chiropractor measured my legs, and found that one was 21cm longer than the other.
In 1981, Jim, newly Baptised in the Holy Spirit, and wanting to pray for my healing, prayed for my leg to grow. As the leg moved down the towel we placed under it to catch the ‘annointing’ kitchen oil…it was evident that my leg grew. When I stood up, we could see my hips level in the mirror, and he reached down to kiss me, and missed my mouth, as it had moved up…about 21cm.
In 1989, I was seeing a chiropractor for my neck, and he did a full body xray, as chiropractors in that day were prone to do. He mentioned a boney growth on the lower part of my spine. Jim asked him if that was something typical for someone that had one leg longer than the other. “Yes, to brace the spine due to the angle, but Christi doesn’t have one leg shorter than the other.” Jim proceeded to tell him about that night in 1981! That Dr. B said “then you ought to get to praying to get rid of that boney thing…”.
I have had multiple spine xrays and MRI’s and no one has asked about any boney thing on my spine again.

The moral of this story? God can cause 21 cm of bone, tissue and all to grow on His command, and when the leftovers aren’t needed, He can cause them to dissolve as well.

So, you may ask, what’s the problem? It’s DEAD bone, not missing leg! Just believe!!!

Ok, so read Step #8 again…I’ve been struggling with allowing myself to accept that God may not want me to walk again.
IF GOD DOES NOT WANT ME TO WALK AGAIN – I NEED TO BE FINE WITH IT!

Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him:

Sounds spiritual, huh? I just got smacked in the face with the second half of this verse:

Job 13:15b but I will maintain mine own ways before him. (KJV)
NIV I will surely defend my ways to his face.
NLT I am going to argue my case with him.
NAS Nevertheless I will argue my ways before Him.

Youngs Literal Translation for Job 13:15
Lo, He doth slay me — I wait not! Only, my ways unto His face I argue.

Wow….where does that leave me? This is one of the discourses that leads to Job being reprimanded for thinking he can speak against the whirlwind of God’s Omniscience!!! As a side note…God seems to have been big enough to handle Job’s questions…and I know HE’S still big enough for my questions.

So – is there anywhere for this fatalistic mentality?
The three boys…thrown into the fiery furnace!

Dan 3:18 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, we [are] not careful to answer thee in this matter.
Dan 3:17 If it be [so], our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver [us] out of thine hand, O king.
Dan 3:18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.

Ok, wait a minute. No one is asking me to bow down to or serve their gods. This is not a situation with persecution written on it!

What is it?
When I could not walk in the Navy – God gave me Isaiah 40:31

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint

It was a song from a Christian youth group that held my heart through bootcamp.
It has been a large part of much of my testimony.
And it is my life verse.

It is the basis for this series – 100 Spiritual Walking Steps.
So what am I going to do?
I can’t argue with my own post…I need to find the basis for a solid foundation(other foundation can no man lay than that is laid which is Jesus Christ) – and WALK IT OUT.

Bill Gotherd once said, in a seminar, If God can use you more out of a wheelchair, then nothing can keep you in that wheelchair. If God can use your more IN that wheelchair, then nothing anyone can do can get you out, nor would you want to.

I think God wants me to walk.
I am sure that this promise (Is 40:31) has been a guiding force (solid rock) through out my life.
I don’t expect to be mounting up with wings as eagles…but..
renew my strength? Yes
walk and not be weary? I hope so
run and not faint? He did that for me in the Navy to pass the PT test.

So, what’s my problem?

Heb 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

I HOPE that He wants to make me walk.
I KNOW that HE can make me walk.
FAITH is what bridges those two together.
and right now, my faith is a little weak….

Mark 9:23-24 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things [are] possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

I do HAVE faith – Jesus says so!Well, actually, he says that IF we had faith the grain of a mustard seed…..and in Romans it talks about the measure of faith given to every man….the point is….I have been given faith….Eph 2:8 – faith is a gift!

It needs to grow – like the mustard seed….
and when it is weak, well…
They that WAIT UPON THE LORD SHALL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH – OF FAITH????

If God healed my leg once, or however many times…has HE changed or have I?

There is NO benefit in surgery…or non weight bearing exercise according to the included article…they both end in the same unacceptable thing – fused ankle.
I am confessing at this point that it is easier for me to believe that God will heal the dead bone than to reconstruct an ankle with steel nails and screws in it.

that said – I am confessing here…on August 5, 2011…that I believe that God will restore the dead bone, and not permit my ankle to collapse.
I want to believe that I will be walking 5ks again.
I want to believe that I will be able to do a sprint triathlon – this time with a crowd – again.
I want to believe that I can walk into and out of the Grand Canyon.
I want to believe that I can walk a marathon…well, that I could….not that I would at 4 mph of walking….

To that end, I will take off my boot, and go walking up to the pool today…and have fun.

So – what if they tell you, ‘you can’t walk’? check it out with the Creator first…HE may have other things to say.
Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or ‘like’ me! Or follow me with the RSS feed.

Naomi's Heart Mission

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

Depression like Driving Rain

Depression comes like the darkness of night
slowly blinding, and taking your sight.
First it feels gray
in the midst of the day
then it feels thick
like mud with a stick.
for help you reach out
and to others give shout
but the sucking is on
and assistance is nought.

Darkness falls down
scary things all around
Listening for the sound
of one on solid ground
Comes driving rain
cleansing all stains
Lightning strikes again
and illuminates the pain

I kneel before the King
to whom I used to sing
I wonder where His wing
to shelter me from pain?

Muscles grow in pain,
flowers grow in rain,
Sunshine brings the heat
that on the earth does beat.
The rain will wash away
the pains they cannot stay
renewal is my way
neath my wing for you to stay.
Neath the shadow you do sing
and give praises to your King
the scary things are lies
and demons in disguise
I’ll cover you anew
just as you ask me to
give up this fear of yours
and let my love run it’s course.

I love you more than you can know
but my rain disturbs you so
will you let me love you true
and do the things I do?
Let me pour out grace like rain
Let me see thoswe pains again
Let me show you truth alone
and remove those stumbling stones

You are my chosen girl
I know your hair, your curls
I made you as you are
and I think you are a star
You love me totally
and your heart I truly see
Just look up and you will see
you are snuggled next to Me.
I allow only the pain
that will make you strong again
and the darkness that you see
is abiding deep in me
My wings provide the shadow
against the heat of your sorrow
As you snuggle deeper in
I protect you from those sins
those things that make you hurt
those things that burn
those tears that do surround
that mucky mirey ground

Come to me
my precious one
draw near to me
within the Son
Night will pass
and day will dawn
those horrors will soon
be all gone

Your mind will be renewed
and I can wash you through
My grace will set you free
My love will give you wings
And then again you’ll sing
‘neath the shadow of My wings.

written as given – 8/4/2011

To those that read this…this is my heart…please be gentle.
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 67:3 Because you are my help, I will sing beneath the shadow of Your wings.

100 Spiritual Walking Steps – #16 Can you lose your map?

It’s been a rough couple of weeks, with some serious soul searching about several situations.
In the midst of the soul searching, my notes for my path got lost. In them was the main verse for several steps, and the corresponding verses. With multiple hands and multitasking events, the notes disappeared in the midevent cleanup. NOTE to self – write notes down in a notebook, not on a piece of recycled printer paper that looks like trash. Also avoid writing notes on napkins.

So – I lost my map.
Without a map, how does one find their way?
In my experience, I can’t. I have to go back, to back track, until I get to someplace I know…and hopefully it’s a gas station that can sell me a new map! In English!

We don’t have to go all the way back to Darkness – of course, that is where we all began. But we can go back to a common place – the cross.

From Step 12 –

“If you are in agreement as to where we all started, and that we needed to face the cross…then we can go on from there, to determine where are WE starting. At the cross.”

At least, that’s the common ground for every Christian.

Then, I took the step to get rid of baggage that held me back in Step 13.

I can remember that anything that brings condemnation is NOT of God….WAIT…that’s a next step! It wasn’t the next step on that lost set of notes…but, it is the next step for me today.

Rom 8:1 [There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

NO CONDEMNATION!

Imagine, living a life free of condemnation.
To Condemn:

1.	to express strong disapproval of; censure
2.	to pronounce judicial sentence on
3.	to demonstrate the guilt of: his secretive behaviour condemned him
4.	to judge or pronounce unfit for use: that food has been condemned
5.	to compel or force into a particular state or activity: his disposition condemned him to boredom

Sadly, this is a description of many of my Christian experiences. I have lived with expectations from others about how I should act, dress, eat, look, worship, study, pray, mother, wife, mission, etc. All of these expectations have brought death to my heart.

I don’t want to write an expose’ on the law being death, and Christ being life…because I’m not talking about the laws of the Bible here. I’m talking about the laws placed upon me by other people’s expectations.

John 8:32 – you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.

Know the Truth…My whole walk with Jesus has been about KNOWING JESUS.

John 14:6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

I come to the Father….through Jesus Christ.

I come to the Father through Jesus Christ.

The relationship with the Father in the OT was through the law – so that His people knew there was a standard of morality. Before you can hold someone to a standard, the only just way is that you let them know the standard. And – as Paul and all the others shared, it was impossible. But Noah, and David and Moses and Elijah and Isaiah KNEW that God had a greater plan than just the law. In Hebrews 11, they died knowing that a great hope was coming.
JESUS!

There is now no condemnation … for whom?

to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

IN CHRIST JESUS – know Jesus -> know truth = truth sets you free.

And yes, there is a stipulation…a condition…or, a proof that one IS in Christ Jesus:

who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

When I was full of trying to please man’s teachings…women’s critical eyes and words…I was, in a way, walking after the flesh. As Paul said:

Gal 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

While I was trying to please man…even under the guise of Christian teachings…I was not pleasing Christ…I was not serving Christ…I was trying to win the approval of men. And when I didn’t get it, CONDEMNATION!

Rom 8:8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.

One of the beauteous things of walking with Jesus is that when you get off the path, you can always call out, and find your way back.
In fact, even while a person is in sin, or confusion, or misguided, I believe they can still be walking in the Spirit…if they are desiring to walk with Jesus.

Prov 11:23 The desire of the righteous ends only in good, but the hope of the wicked only in wrath.

My concept of righteous is desiring a right relationship with Jesus.
David was righteous…but he messed up.
Moses was righteous…but he messed up.
Paul was probably righteously killing Christians when he was Saul…out of his intense desire to serve the Lord…and because of his desire to have a right relationship with God, he had a blinding enlightening moment.

IF…IF is a big word.

John 2:1 My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.

IF we sin…he knew we would…then WE HAVE AN ADVOCATE…that is what Jesus does for us daily! Not condemn…but advocate on our behalf!

2 Chron 7:14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

MY PEOPLE
CALLED BY MY NAME
This is written to believers....both before Jesus, and through Jesus it applies to those of us who are called Christian.
This is a call to repent…and be forgiven…and be brought back into the fold.

CONDEMNATION – that’s final. It’s DEAD.
But desiring a right relationship…I’m not good at the proper grammar words…but that is an ongoing action…it’s ALIVE!!!
It leaves room for grace, forgiveness, mercy and love.
It leaves room for growing, by pruning off the old stuff, and putting on the new stuff…and moving…walking…taking steps towards ‘perfection’.

Rom 8:2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

Rom 8:11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

While my walk with Jesus may not look like YOUR walk…the point is, that OUR CHRISTIAN walk SHOULD keep taking us closer and closer to Jesus. It is my desire is to be right with Jesus – and my heart is desiring to seek HIM for my path….and these are my prayers:

Ps 73:25 Whom have I in heaven [but thee]? and [there is] none upon earth [that] I desire beside thee.
Ps 119:105 NUN. Thy word [is] a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Ps 37:23-24 The steps of a [good] man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth [him with] his hand.
Ps 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence [is] fulness of joy; at thy right hand [there are] pleasures for evermore.
Ps 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Ps 27:4 One [thing] have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.

And when I am tempted to fear condemnation, or messing up by not meeting MY standards…these verses give me comfort:

Is 41:10 Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Is 41:13 For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

He has never let me down…He has never left my side…and I owe HIM my all.
So, if I lose my map…MY map, I just need to go back to MY guide…

Prov 8:17 I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me.
Deut 4:29 But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

And then, by the grace given to me through Jesus Christ, I just start putting one foot in front of another all over again.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.