A while ago I wrote a couple blogs on the giants that are in my land. One of those giants in my land has been fear. Every time I think I have knocked that giant down to size with the stones of the word of God, something seems to happen. And something has happened.
Couple weeks ago, I was talking with my hematologist, and was asking questions about cancer symptoms on behalf of my husband. My concern was the fact that I had all these cancer symptoms and my husband didn’t have any! She was very quick to relieve any of my concerns saying that my symptoms were not to the degree of a cancer like lymphoma, and unfortunately I probably was needing to continue to pursue those symptoms as individual symptoms with varying different diagnosis. On one had, I was hoping that all those symptoms would lead to ONE diagnosis…not the various things I deal with, but, on the other hand, I’m glad that I do not show signs of Lymphoma.
In the midst of this conversation, I mentioned that quite a few years ago there had been some spots found on one of my kidneys when they did a liver and gallbladder scan and how freaked out the radiologist was. I went to a Kidney Doctor, who looked at theMRI and said they were just benign ‘bubbles’. As I was saying that, she turned to her computer and pulled up my last liver scan that she did(2 years ago) remembering that they had seen some things in not only my right kidney but also in my left and immediately she called for a scan of my kidneys ASAP.
It seems kind of funny, as I wasn’t aware that she had called it in as ASAP until I sat there listening to the office staff call and set the appointment. I got the appointment for the very next day. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a scan set up the very next day. Only one time when a doctor thought I may have had a blood clot, and the whole time, the technician was arguing with me “why did she order this stat? There’s nothing serious here!” I think she was upset because she needed to stay one appointment later that day, until 4 PM. Other than that, the shortest I’ve waited before was one week!
While I was lying on the table, in my mind I was thinking that there was something in my right kidney, no big deal. Actually, I wasn’t sure what it was my right or my left. I was talking to the technician while he was checking my right and I said I know that there’s something in one of my kidneys and I was just wondering. He said “well I’m going to tell you it’s probably the right because I see something.” Ok, no worries! We were just laughing and joking and having a great time conversing as he was exploring my kidneys with ultrasound, until he got to my left kidney and got very very quiet. That point I was wondering was the original cyst in my left kidney and now there’s some in both? I knew that he was acting like he shouldn’t have said anything…and I knew that meant he saw something on my left kidney.
I went home and looked up the most current liver scan from 2016, and sure enough, they had seen some cysts on my left. Ok, again, no terrible worries. Actually, yes. I was called the very next day by the hematologist’s office, told that Dr I did not want them to leave me a message, but to make sure they spoke to me, personally. The difficulty was that he couldn’t get a good scan of the cysts because basically I’m too fat. At least that’s what I understood when told that the photo wasn’t good and therefore they needed to send to me in for an MRI on my kidneys. That MRI got scheduled the very next week.
The day after the MRI, I was called by my hematologist, herself and told “okay, we have something on your right kidney that is lighting up with what looks like cancer. And we need a kidney specialist to look at that. Assuming it is cancer, we don’t do biopsies on the kidney all we do is take out the cyst or take out the kidney depending on which is necessary.” She apologized for starting me down this path! The funny thing is, if she hadn’t remembered something from my liver MRI, this would possibly never have been found.
I went from some benign bubbles in my kidneys in early 2000’s, to very complex cyst that lit up with cancer diagnosing dye in less than a month. I just kind of set back, maybe in a bit of shock. She said she was going to call in a referral to one of the kidney clinics here in town and I didn’t hear anything Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and by Thursday I was wondering. So Friday afternoon a friend of mine said, you need to call them. I did I called the hematologist. The person on the phone was disturbed that the clinic had not called me yet. They asked me to wait 15 minutes for them to re-fax over my paperwork, and then to call them.
When I received the scheduling person for the kidney clinic, her first comment was “we’re not scheduling new patients until the end of February can you give me your birthdate.” So of course I gave her my information and she asked me why I was comingin. I said
“My doctor had called for an MRI with contrast and said that there were suspicious things that showed up with the dye to determine whether there was cancer or not.”
The person on the phone said give me a good phone number where I can reach you and I will call you right back. I’m going to talk to my manager and see if I can’t get you in quicker. Actually, the quicker was tomorrow morning. No, actually it’s not because today is Friday, and of course there would not be any openings on Monday so it’s almost as if it was a tomorrow in the doctor’s world. She got me an appointment for Tuesday morning with the leading kidney oncologist at this Hospital.
I’m thrilled with how quick people are working to figure out what’s going on with me, but I’m not used to this. Normally I have to wait for weeks or months. As it is, I’m trying to find out about a misread low back MRI, why my glasses don’t work(double vision), why I have dizzy spells, and what’s wrong with my legs. I’ve gotten the testings done, and I’m waiting for the follow up…which all happens to be next week, as well.
The thing that I keep thinking is, I’m not ready to give up a kidney! Surely there are other treatments for Kidney cancer. I’ve looked up various websites, and they have other options, but, my hemotologist is an oncologist. She would be aware of the current options. I’m trying to play this down. Other people, medical people, seem to be taking this seriously enough that they’re pushing me into a very busy Clinic schedule to be seen.
All the while, tomorrow morning my husband does see his urologist who is treating him for prostate cancer. We are still waiting for a bone marrow biopsy and for someone to figure out what in the world is going on with the medical records from his lymph node biopsy that are all messed up with different names and different procedures and things that had never been done to him. In fact, he was told by the hospital “oh we realized you had multiple patient numbers and so we combined the records.” Unfortunately it was apparently two different people that had two different patient numbers and they ought not to have been combined. So we don’t know what’s going on with my husband and the cancer diagnosis with him.
Was that enough? There are many other things going on in my life that are typical issues of fear, concern, stress. Right now, Cancer has reared it’s ugly head, and the lack of knowledge is one that can cause fear.
So, the giant of fear. Raising his ugly head again. The same scriptures and the same armor and the same God and the same faith will get me through this battle as it has done before, but this time, I have a history with this giant, I have a history of God winning on my behalf.
It appears that there will be surgery on my kidney, but even in the midst of what sounds like a horrible thing to go through, I can see God’s hand all around me.
I have several doctors that are concerned for me, and one that calls me personally!
Without much difficulty, two specialists agree on the treatment – joyfully!
I have peace!
These and others have become the comfort that God brings into my life, and encourages me that I can continue run and not be weary, to walk and not faint. It is THE LORD JEHOVAH that will complete the good work that HE began in me!
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
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