Tag Archives: pain

Pain/Peace

Pain
Sharp
Knife
Breathtaking
Sight blurring
Pain

Doctor?
Support?
Guidance?
Brush off
Exhausting
Pain

Why can’t they just give me information so that I can make an informed decision?

Pain
Wait
Concern
Knowledge
Not bad enough
Brush off

Pain
ER
No help
No information
No confirmation
Just “go”

I know there is no infection from the basic Natural Signs.
But I don’t know what doctors know and can’t make up my mind.

Pain
Normal
Don’t move
Be still
Just lay around
And wait

Two
Weeks
Past
Schedule
Need removal
Need compassion

Pain?
ER!
Won’t touch me!
Cyob doc
Why call him?
No help.

But if there is a deep infection for which this pain does tell,
it’s me that is going to suffer and go through the physical hell.

Pain
Common
Breakthrough
Ignored
The answer?
Wait.

Pain
No pain
Health
No health
Ask for help
Brushed away

But God has promised to give me wisdom if I ask of him.
God gives me Godly counselors and I can ask of them.

Pain
Love
Tiring
Energizing
Counselors
Encouragement

Joy
Peace
Decision
Confirmation
Unwavering
Love

God gives me counselors to comfort and to guide.
God gives me soul mates to settle my insides.

Peace
Quiet
Be still
And know
That I am
God.

This poem was written one day when I was confused and struggling after my surgery, and waiting for the last step of my post op. This was written during my time, in which I prepared for  the finale.
The story of my weeks of surgery and recovery is shared in Surgery Scuttlebutt.

 
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” –
from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Midnight Musings – I do not understand 3/25/18

I do not Understand

By M. Christine Wildman, copyright 2018 – all rights reserved without permission.

I do not understand
How God can give me a plan
And allow me to withstand
Pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
How God can send a call
Add I tried to give my all
In pain uncontrollable

How can I be
The type of she
To honor he
With pain uncontrollable?

I do not understand
Though I confess my sin
And the spirit is within
Yet pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
How to walk by faith
And yet not disgrace
By pain uncontrollable

I want to speak the words
I want to write the verse
His glory be immersed
But pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
How I am in his plan
When I can barely stand
For pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
Why God does not heal
My fruit the devil steals
Because of pain uncontrollable

How do I Rise
Without a lie
Knowing by his stripes
I am healed?

Yet in my pain
I feel such a shame
There is no gain
In pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
Yet David did decree
That though he could not see
God’s hand in Victory

David still declared
And almost he did dare
God’s promises that were shared
To be undeniable

I do not understand
God’s purpose or his plan
Please Lord hold my hand
Through pain inconceivable

I don’t like pills
I don’t like drugs
My Saviour bought
Healing on the cross

So why is there pain
That hinders God’s plan
For me to be more
Then pain undeniable

I don’t have an answer
I don’t have a clue
But I know there are blessings
I have just from you

It isn’t the pain
But causes me grief
It’s the job that you asked me
To do for your sheep

I know you are mighty
You are the all knowing
Each name that you’ve given
Your character is showing

I know you are able
I know you are here
But the difficulty comes
With guidance unclear

I do not understand
Why you called me to write
Then allowed me the trial
Of pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
I do not comprehend
But I know My Savior Lives
On that I can depend

And like the three young children
Said to the king of old
You’re able to deliver
But if not, I will hold

You are the Great Vine dresser
You are the giving King
My gifts are in your service
This pain, disrupting

Speak to me dear father
Guide me Holy Spirit
Leave me dear Lord Jesus
All to you to give it

You give me plans to follow
Then add a unique twist
Then double down with sickness
And pain does always exist

I know my pain is nothing
Compared to what you bore
But Lord your pain if ended
When the Temple curtain was torn

I’m sorry Lord for Grumbling
I am sorry that I whine
I want to serve you Faithfully
Until the end of time

But I do not understand
How this can be your plans
No matter how I stand
Pain all encompassing

I spoke to the devil
In Jesus name
I said Stand Down
I now see your game!

I Now understand
The enemy’s plans
To have me lay down
To say that I can’t

I said devil Stand Down
Release me my peace
Or staying awake
I’ll Proclaim in speech

Jesus is Lord
And I will not deny
His love and His glory
So give up, or I’ll try

With the gift of pain
I’ll stay up and write
And declare his name
In darkness, His light

I drew near to Jesus
I humble myself
I begged him for help
He poured out his wealth

The treasures of Heaven
Of Peace So Sublime
Love, Grace and mercy
From him, these are mine

The devil stood down
The pain did subside
While praying for you
My Lord sleep did provide

Oh sweet Jesus, my Lord
Into your name I hide
And you never leave me
You are right by my side

My gethsemane moment
My Cries in the night
Into my darkness
You shown your bright light!

Spirits engrave
On my heart from this night
The victory of Christ
Of my soul’s true Delight

For I lay down my head
At my Shepherds pierced feet
And the sleep that he gave me
Was so pure and so sweet

Now I understand
A little? And in part?
The point of the pain
As training my heart

I was being a victim
I was suffering by hours
Until the Lord showed me
He is giving me power!

I am more than a warrior
I am more than a voice
I am a Victor in Jesus
If I just make the choice

To remember what happened
On a cross long ago
How is death set free captives
How his life frees us so

Death your Concord
Pain you must cease
The work of the Kingdom
It’s what brings relief

We do have an enemy
Who roars at us so
But abiding in Jesus
Puts me in the know

Now I do understand
A part of God’s plan
Peace my story
In pain I can stand

The name of Jesus
A strong tower it is
The righteous run to him
He declares I am his

By standing on ground
That’s already been won
I lay down in Green Pastures
As he sings me his song

“I love you dear Christi,
And I always will stay
Close by you forever
And here when you pray”

If knowing my Jesus
Comes out of my pain
And bring on the Storm
I shall not be the same!

MCWildman (c) 2018

For More of these, go to Midnight Musings

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” –
from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Midnight Musings – The Cry of My heart – February 2, 2018

The cry MY the heart

by MCWildman

The Cry of the heart, The tear of the eye
Depression does start Though I think it’s not nigh.

I’m laughing and singing And praising the Lord
When all of the sudden My mind becomes torn.

I can find no reason, I can find no rhyme
I can’t even predict If there’ll be a next time.

The joy of the Lord it is my strength
But the truth be told Sometimes I am too weak

I know all the tools, I have Bible plans
Then I feel like a fool that is trying to stand.

It’s not on my own feet Upon which I stand
For I know and can see They are just sinking sand.

No words from a Sage, No songs from a poet
no silly do Dilly’s From memes that do show it

The cliches are so tired, The phrases so old
How I hate how I’m wired, How I hate this dark cold

I know this shall pass, I know it will end
But right in the moment for my life I do fend

I do not wish To take my own life
But I get so tired Of overwhelming strife

And then there’s the pain That no one can find
Just sad looks from the the ones that are kind

The loneliness bogs Me down to my knees
And I pray my dear God Deliver me please.

What is the thorn In the Flesh do I ask?
I don’t know that I’m up for this task!

I know that your glory will shine on me
The day that your face I will joyfully see.

The light of your face will break through all the dark
And the worth of these trials will be known in my heart.

But tonight, oh dear Jesus, please give me a sign
Please help me to know that you’ll hold me as thine.

I believe in you Lord and I trust that you’ll stay
And complete the work that you began on that day

It’s nothing of me that can do your good work
There’s no hope for me except in You, Lord

My heart it is struggling
my mind is confused
But I know I believe
And my trust is in you.

The darkness will cease, the pain has an end
As long as I believe, will my soul comprehend?

Oh Silent Night, oh distance song
Angels, please sing to me all the night long

Tell me of Jesus, tell me of he, who gave of his life that living I’d be

No pain is too great, of heart mind or soul
To equal the cross and that took its toll

You did that for me and I didn’t believe
But now that I do I can only receive
joy for my sorrow, peace for my pain
Love for my heartache, Grace for my shame

Truth has two edges, love has two sides
thy kingdom shall be in the sweet by-and-by

And when that day comes I will be ever thrilled
To stand in your presence sing to you still

So sing in the Darkness, laugh at the pain
For this is all Shadows of what I will gain!

No Darkness can take my salvation from me
no depression can Steal My Hope for to see

as it was in the beginning, is now and it shall be
World Without End ruled by God the almighty.
(c)2018 MCWildman

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” –
from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.
Some artwork is from FreeClipArt Library. copyrights belong to them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Midnight Musings – the Pain of Night – Jan 22, 2018

The Pain of Night

The pain of night has no Delight
And to the Lord, I set my sights

My heart is filled with joy and fear
Because I know that He is near.
Then why the fear if He is near?
Will He choose to hear my tears?

My heart is sad because of pain
It’s nothing, I look to the blood-soaked stains
Of what He suffered for me on the cross
And I think of my life and count it for  loss.

But still my flesh does scream and cry,
I know for me He chose to die,
And by His stripes I’m told I’m Healed.
Why this pain still do I feel?

What lesson in this for me to learn?
I really pray that I discern
I want to learn my lessons well
I want to hear Him to me tell,

“Peace my child and do be still!”
“I will do the work in you until
My fullness in you does dwell
And you are set free from this Earthly hell.

“So tell your story far and wide
How I was ever by your side
When darkness threatened to settle in
And the demons try to do you in.

“But to My face you turned to seek
And in My light you knew we’d meet
The day will come, this flesh will die.
You with me, to be glorified.

“So do the work on Earth for now.
I give you Grace and make a vow.
I’ll be beside you until the end
And you reach heaven with Me, amen.”

What can I say, Lord, when you speak like this?
When your words are gentle like a butterfly kiss.
When I know what you suffered on the cross for me
What else can I do, but to learn to be –

Be still
Be patient
Be loving and kind
I know that my God is in charge of all time

To be more like Jesus is my prayer
And to share His love everywhere.
And if my suffering in faith and peace
Is what the Lord desires of me,

Then I pray that I will suffer well
And that I can go and tell
Others about the Amazing peace
Of knowing that he died for me!

My prayer was that He’d speak to me
My prayer was so that I would see!
If He chooses not to heal
My soul declares Peace, be still.
(c) 2018 MCWildman

 

Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,
4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,
5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

James 1:2-5
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” –
from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank
for the ability to search the Bible online.
Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.
Some artwork is from FreeClipArt Library. copyrights belong to them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Midnight Musings – Be Like Jesus – Jan 5, 2018

Often, I am given things in the middle of the night. Most of the time, I just lie there and beg to go back to sleep! Recently, I’ve been convicted to share these ramblings, and I’ve had some encouraging responses. So – here goes obedience! ~Christi
This is day 6 of 100 in 2018
and this fits into my one word(phrase) be like Jesus.

 

Okay, so I’ve binged. I ate the whole bag of Christmas chocolates.

I admit,

  • I am sick and tired of having problems with my legs.
  • I hate having to put the braces on to stretch out the tendons so that I don’t have the electric shock things.
  • I hate having to put ointment on my legs,
  • I hate having to wrap my legs,
  • I hate having to wear socks that compress my legs, and
  • I hate the fact that I’m doing all of these things and have no idea why I’m doing it because no one knows what’s going on.

NO ONE?
 

Well someone knows.
God knows.
God knows what’s going on with my body,
God knows what’s going on with my heart,
God knows what’s going on with my mind.

Romans 8:28English Standard Version (ESV)
28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[a] for those who are called according to his purpose.

Ephesians 2:10English Standard Version (ESV)
10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

I have no idea what good works I can do when I’m spending so much time dealing with pain, headaches, other strange things that I get doctor saying “ooh that’s really weird, but I have no idea what it is!”
But God knows.
And I know God.
And one thing I know about God is it that he intends everything that happens in my life to do something good in me, so that I can glorify him in my life .
God says it…and I say I believe God…so therefore, I believe it is true, whether I understand or not.

Glorify God in my struggles?

Jesus said to let our light shine so that others would glorify God. (Matthew 5:16). Our purpose here is to glorify the King of Kings Lord of lords, Glory Glory! Our purpose here is to share with others the love, grace, mercy that is the heart of the King of kings and Lord of lords. And since there are going to be trials (thank you James), and we’re not supposed to be surprised that they come upon us (Thank you, Peter), we are to count it joy(Thanks again, James), we are to share our love, we are to be in peace, and the whole point of struggling, and suffering with Jesus, is to show how to suffer with Jesus (thanks again, Peter!).
For that matter – we’re not supposed to be surprised if the world hates us! (Thank you, Jesus, as reported by John!) They hated him, first.

1 Peter 2:12English Standard Version (ESV)
12 Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.

Empathy

There’s a verse about participating in the sufferings of Jesus, and that’s not what I’m talking about here, because this is about chronic illness, mental illness, and such things. These were not issues that Jesus dealt with, specifically.

For me, this is not confessing to be a Christian. Here in the United States of America, for the most part, it’s not hard to confess to be a Christian.

Suffering well, in any situation, shows others hope in their situation. Participating in suffering gives us a bridge to touch others who are suffering, because we can empathize, not just sympathize. Experiential Compassion.

Do Good?
For the most part, most Christians don’t look any different than everybody else. For the most part, the majority of the population gives the Christian church, and any faith-based anything really, a wide berth as do-gooders. But is that the tag, the evidence, of our Christianity? Doing Good?

I know that there are people that do not believe in Christ, who have no basic faith statement, but are good people! They choose to support the poor, to donate to organizations that help the homeless, that restore are land, help our schools, etc., etc., etc. How does that look any different than the Christians who collect food for the food pantry, go in and help with floods, and give their money wherever? How are WE supposed to look different?
How are OUR good works supposed to look differently?

Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

For me, with the problems I have with my legs, I can’t go stand at a soup kitchen, I can’t go serve for the floods, there’s so many things that I cannot do, and good people are doing more good than I am. So how do I stand out as a Christian in the midst of the darkness that we are surrounded by? How do I show empathy, and experiential compassion from the core of my faith? From Jesus in me?

LOVE
Jesus said to or through John that they will know us by our love. It has to be something different about our love compared to the love of your basic do-gooder. The love of Jesus was a love that suffered, and died, on our behalf. His life shows us how he struggled with those that would say things against him, that would choose to throw him off the cliff, and how he actually responded those last days as he knew he was going to end up on the cross.
What do we have to show, differently?

We love because he first loved us(1 John 4:19).
He loved us while we were yet sinners(Romans 5:8).
For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son (John 3:16).
The symbol of our Christianity is that they will know us by our love(John 13:35).
Jesus showed us his love when as he was being tried and beaten and made fun of, he looked over and his best friend had just denied him.
Jesus showed us his love, when another of his disciples did not believe that he had risen and demanded to touch his feet and hands.
Jesus showed us his love when he embraced Peter back into the fold and asked him to feed his sheep.
Jesus showed us his love while he was hanging on the cross, and he looked down and asked John to take care of his mother Mary even though he knew he had brothers that could do the job.

How Can I show this type of Love?

Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious, and does not seek its own way… And the rest of 1 Corinthians 13. As Paul said, if I speak with the tongue of angels and have not love, I am just a noisy gong.
This is NOT easy…and this is a growth!

JOY

Joy is another key that Christ has given us in the midst of trial.
He came that we would have joy and have it fully(John 15:11).
The joy of the Lord is our strength (Neh 8:10).
And in his presence is Joy forever more (Psalm 16:11).

KEY —> if we don’t have joy, it’s because we haven’t spent time in the presence of our King and Joy Giver.

I can’t really talk about Jesus showing Joy because that’s not really what the scripture talks about when it talks about how Christ responded. But I can say scripture points to Joy. The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, and I think the next is patience or long-suffering(yep, Gal 5:22-23). The spirit that is providing us with these fruit to grow is the Holy Spirit, the part of God that lives within us. So we should exhibit the love, and we need to exhibit the joy.

But on top of that, there’s some aspect of joy that should just emanate from the Christian, as well as peace in the midst of Trials.

PEACE
The next way to be different than the world in my trials is to have peace.
The peace of God that passes all understanding and keeps my heart and mind in Christ Jesus(Phil 4:7),
Who is the Prince of Peace(Is 9:6),
Who spoke to the storm “peace, Be Still” (Mark 4:35-41)
and said to us “be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
In the world there are tribulations (John 16:33)) but HE promises us peace.
Someone without the spirit of God within misses out on the peace that God grants us through his word and through prayer and through the privilege of fellowship with our creator father. So peace is the other indicator of our walk with Christ.

In Foxe’s Book of Martyrs, you can read about people that were singing hymns while they were burning at the stake. That is definitely joy and peace in the midst of a very serious trial. And I have never been asked to confess my faith or renounce my faith at the pain of death, or bodily harm. In our lifetime there have been Christians beheaded in Ethiopia area, there have been people, students, shot in schools because they were asked if they were Christian. There are Christians in China and India that are being tortured and killed. And I know someone from Indonesia who tells of the story of it being so dangerous to be Christian there. I want to look different, even here, in the United States.
I want to look like JESUS!

Conclusion?
James said

James 1: ESV
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

The point is, sometimes trials are what God uses to grow us in love, joy, peace and patience (no, I didn’t write about patience, but it’s a good fruit to have!). When we exhibit that love, joy, peace and patience in the midst of turmoil, we actually glorify God in the midst of our struggles, and that is a very good thing. If in any way I can help someone walk through their Darkness and find some light from the Lord that brings them love, joy, peace, and patience as they face what seems to be insurmountable terrors and trauma and trials and tribulations, then my trials and tribulations have value. This is where God takes coal of my life and presses it with intense pressure, and heat(fiery trials), and eventually brings forth a diamond that is a jewel in His crown to glorify him when I see him face to face.

My Prayer
I confess the struggle with my human flesh dealing with pains and such, and I ask my Lord and Savior for strength to endure with character qualities that glorify him. And I pray that my life would be given over and a sacrifice for his glory and to help whoever may need help to take the next step as they walk to the Valley of the shadow of death.

RESOURCES
Verses about Love from Daily Verse .net
Verses about Joy from Daily Verse .net
Verses about Peace from Daily Verse .net
And for good measure:
Verses about Patience from Daily Verse .net

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” –
from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

2017 My One Word – #mydays wk5day1 – why why why?

Psalm 90:12
Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

This is today’s 750words. It’s about #mydays.
Warning – it is NOT a theological discussion!
It is my heart cry to understand.

today.
today is monday
I have cleaned the house for the ccarpet cleaners.
I may have upset a friend who was coming this weekend
my foot hurts
i forget what I was going to write about when I first woke up, then went back to sleep.

why why why why
these are my words that come up often.

why why why why
i don’t ask why me, I jsut ask why
if God is faithful – why am I hurting
oh that horrible connundrum of christianity
maybe of any faith – but christianity has that promise that by christ’s stripes we are healed, that he sent his word and healed them.
i know that in his life, he healed physically
he has healed me physically
so I know, KNOW that he is able, and sometimes willing
I guess, while the question to God is why – it’s not why me, though, it is why me, what am i supposed to be learning?

oh, i’m learning about the lack of patience~!
I’m learning about the irritability!
i’m learning about asking for help – oh i hate this one with a passion!
I’m learning about leeting go of perfectionism
i’m learning about timing – oh yea, counting my days – numbering my days –
i’m learning about choosing each and every step
the steps of a good man are ordered by the lord – and he delights in his way
though he fall though he fall he shall not be cast down for the lord upholds him with his hand. (Psalm 37:23)
i’ve asked that the lord teach me to number my days that i might apply my heart to wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)
hmmmm, i think i just wrote that this trial is providing that very thing!

count it all joy brethren when you encounter trials…for the trying of your faith worketh – PATIENCE – ENDURANCE!(James 1:3-4)

oh my –

the fruit of the spirit is lLOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE – GOODNESS…..SELF CONTROL(Galatians 5:22-23)

Love is patient. (1 Corinthians 13:4)

i asked why…and it would appear that i am getting my answer.
how does one go about learning patience quickly?
um, i think that is the problem!
i want patience and i want it now!
old joke.
how does one obtain patience…

the working of your faith produces patience…I’m going to have to look that one up. (James 1)

why why why – i don’t think this is a bad question…
as long as my heart is open to the answer.
why me?
well, that could also give an insight into my heart
what about my heart?
what about the anxiety?
fear?
dread?
they call it high functioning anxiety.
I call it a pain!
the thing is – i could say that the bible calls it sin!
that which is not faith is sin….(Romans 14:23)
lack of faith is doubt
doubt and fear go hand in hand.
how many times does the bible tell me do not fear?(I don’t know – a bunch)

be strong and courageous…don’t tremble or be afraid….for the Lord your God is with you, wherever you go!(Joshua 1:9)
tremble – that’s anxiety!
naturally, i’m wired for anxiety.
but, i’m going to go out on a limb and say that naturally, we are all wired for anxiety!
that which is not faith is sin.
faith is not fear
fear not – (Isaiah 41:10)
the guys on the boat…in the storm….(Mark 4:35-41)
PEACE BE STILL
oh ye of little faith.

again – asking why brings me to these lessons from my past
stirs up the words that have been hidden in my heart

and the question reminds me that I have a Father that loves me, and cares for me, and looks after me, and is interested in teaching me his ways, and bringing me about to the likeness of His Son, Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 4:13)

I can wrestle – like Jesus did in the garden(Matthew 26:36-46)
I can wrestle – like Jacob did and his thigh was touched.(Genesis 32:22-32)
walked with a limp the rest of his life.
well, my hip issues come from the disobedience of God – going into the Navy instead of the college for music and art.
and he touched me on the third day.

I guess I need to be thankful that He allows there to be medical ways to relieve the pain.
I need to use this pain to remind me every day that I am here for a purpose – and that I have made wrong choices, and in those choices, I have caused myself pain, in more ways than one.

teach me to number my days…that I may apply my heart to wisdom.(Psalm 90:12)
sigh
the answer to why is that I asked for this!
I gave the Lord Jesus, and the Father the permission to do whatever it takes to bring me into the fullness of Christ.
Do I trust my Father?
you bet I do!

I edited this in only two ways –
one, to add the scripture links
two, to correct spelling.

750words is part of my teaching me to number my days for 2017.
I am being able to face anxiety better.
I am being able to face uncertainty better.
Because, I am bringing these things to the Lord in prayer, and meditating upon HIM giving me the guidance needed.
I believe I am healing.
And it’s still January!

It’s all about choice.
And I choose Jesus!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” –
from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

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