On March 8th, some things happened that really shook me, in the middle of my shook life.  It was like a straw that threatened to break this camel’s back.  But with the prayers of friends, and the voices from a mental health group I am part of, I got through it.

Psalm 23:⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Here’s my poem, The Cavern

They say don’t move.
They say we’re going to turn out the lights
They say everything will be alright
Just don’t move.

Darkness hits.
Darkness that surrounds and envelopes your flesh
Darkness that can be felt
Just don’t move.

This is a cavern.
This is a cave.
This is  a place so deep and down
Just don’t move.

No one is near, 
or that is my fear.
Or am I afraid I might spin out and fall
Where was that edge after all?

Cold seeping in
It envelopes my skin
The screams I screamed in the night 
Are pushed down within.

The lights will come back
The day will arise
But right now, I can’t trust my eyes
Just don’t move.

Where is that rail?
Where is that edge?
Did I place myself in the center of 
This death defying ledge?

I hear someone
“Turn on the light’
We have seen what we came for,
Now just stop this fright.”

But the tour guide is gone
He’s left us alone
We realize that we are now on our own.

Where is that switch?
Where can it be?
And do I risk death to move, try to see?

Someone starts to cry
Someone else says “I’m cold”
We reach out to touch each other, to give us some hope.

Where is the light?
Where is the guide?
Why is this tour turning into a fright?

What did I do?
What did I say
That made the tour guide leave us that day?

“I have the rail” says someone in dark,
I think this is where we can get a spark.”
“I’m right behind you, I’ll hold you on land”
“We’ll do this together, and move hand by hand.”

Single file
We walked slowly along
Then someone broke into a song

But it’s dark!
It’s so damp and cold.
Being afraid to move is getting very old.

We know we are here
Together as one
The song lifted up, and 
Marching on, one by one.

“I feel wires behind the rail”
The excitement caused a rustle,
 “Maybe we will get out of this jail!
And some began to tussle

“The thing we need to remember, 
Is we are in this all together.
Calm down, and steady on.”
While the one continued song.

It’s so dark
It’s so damp,
You can’t see your hand, 
not even where you should stand.

The guide let us down.
In the cavern alone
Deep down in the ground
 No idea if we’ll be found.

The tension is rising,
The hope to despair
With each adding moment
Doubts that we’ll be spared.

“Wait! I think I’ve got it,” 
Says the one in the front,
And with that we hear a click,
And the light is on

The guide stood there
Looking proud as could be
“You took on the challenge
From your fears you are free.”

I stood in amazement
Full of anger, and dread
What was he saying, 
Did he get in my head.

I didn’t ask for a challenge
I just paid for a tour
What is this freedom he speaks of
Terror du jour? 

But wait, all those people.
Where are they, I said.
“You were the one walking
This valley of death.”

I was alone the whole time,
So who did I hear?
Did the dark point out parts of me t
That i didn’t know near?

What is this valley, 
This cavern of death?
Where I could hear every heart beat
And taste every breath.

“Your heart that is wounded,
Your thoughts of the end.
 You are stronger together
And over darkness you’ve won.”

“I’ll guide you and teach you,
But I’ll test you to see
If you have been listening
And following me.”

“I know where you are healed,
I know where you are strong.
You were never near the edge
You were in front of me all along.”

“I sent you those voices 
To encourage your walk
And I timed the tests specifically,
So alone you won’t walk.”

“Now rest, my little one
Enjoy the sun
I’m always with you, 
Even when I seem gone.”

“The cavern is your heart
With the wounds oh so deep,
But I have built a path
That will, with time, set you free.”

It was me that walked bravely
It was me that held strong
It was me that spoke encouragement
And from my mouth was the song.

(c)2023 M. Christine Wildman, all rights reserved.

I have written about suicide, but here’s my thoughts on what’s the big deal.

If you have come to this page because you are contemplating suicide, please dial 988 or 1-800-273-TALK or visit the National Suicide Prevention LifeLine. Some other Suicide Hotlines are on this page. 

~~~~~~~

Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links:

• Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
• Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

• Naomi’s Heart Ministries
• Obed’s House Ministries
• The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.